I always thought you were just some asshole who people kept giving the spotlight to. Now I find out that you helped kill Phil Hartman. That man's voice and wit were goddamned national treasures. The only thing you've done is put the taste of bile in millions of peoples throats.
Do the right thing and disappear.
Jon Lovitz, I have an entirely new kind of appreciation for you.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Falwell Finally Falls
Jerry Falwell is finally dead.
Thank the lord Christ.
The moral majority can suck the puss from my genital warts.
The same command extends to the "Faith and Values" committe.
Closet-monster-conservative-scumfucks the whole lot of you.
Your children smoke strawberry quik and masturbate like the crazed apes on amphetamines that they are. But hot damn do they love jesus.
Which is why you'll find them hanging from your good belt in your closet one day after you come home from work. Having autoerotically asphyxiated themselves after looking through your S&M porn stash.
Their final earthly excrement pooling out of your good sunday shoes.
Thank the lord Christ.
The moral majority can suck the puss from my genital warts.
The same command extends to the "Faith and Values" committe.
Closet-monster-conservative-scumfucks the whole lot of you.
Your children smoke strawberry quik and masturbate like the crazed apes on amphetamines that they are. But hot damn do they love jesus.
Which is why you'll find them hanging from your good belt in your closet one day after you come home from work. Having autoerotically asphyxiated themselves after looking through your S&M porn stash.
Their final earthly excrement pooling out of your good sunday shoes.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Stumpfucker
Every once in a while a piece of porn comes my way that makes me breathe a sigh of amazed relief. More commonly it's "Who in the fuck gets their rocks off to this?" or just a simple "Fuck".
In this particular piece of film, a girl who had her left foot amputated rides a man reverse cowgirl style. Amputee porn is hard to find to begin with, so right of the bat it's of particular interest. What makes the scene even better is that the girls foot wasn't simply amputated, there was significant muscle loss near the stump. She had the top third of calf intact but below that was a tapered smooth tipped stump that I swear with a little bit of rouge at the tip would look just like a cock. A girl leans foward and kisses the tip of the stump and gets it slick. Then the amputee who is still riding the fellow below her starts to fuck the girl in front of her with the stump.
Honest to goodness stump-fucking.
Everything that can be done will be done regardless of the cost.
It is our destiny.
Personally I would like to see that actress fist two girls at the same time while fucking another chick with her stump while getting double stump penetrated and getting throat fucked. The only way that scene could get better is if her other foot was amputated as well allowing her to have all four of her appendages buried in vag.
Waste not want not.
In this particular piece of film, a girl who had her left foot amputated rides a man reverse cowgirl style. Amputee porn is hard to find to begin with, so right of the bat it's of particular interest. What makes the scene even better is that the girls foot wasn't simply amputated, there was significant muscle loss near the stump. She had the top third of calf intact but below that was a tapered smooth tipped stump that I swear with a little bit of rouge at the tip would look just like a cock. A girl leans foward and kisses the tip of the stump and gets it slick. Then the amputee who is still riding the fellow below her starts to fuck the girl in front of her with the stump.
Honest to goodness stump-fucking.
Everything that can be done will be done regardless of the cost.
It is our destiny.
Personally I would like to see that actress fist two girls at the same time while fucking another chick with her stump while getting double stump penetrated and getting throat fucked. The only way that scene could get better is if her other foot was amputated as well allowing her to have all four of her appendages buried in vag.
Waste not want not.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Your Friendly Neighborhood Radioactive Jizz-lobber
Thanks to Warren Ellis, this morning I became aware of a Spiderman comic (Spider-Man: Reign #3) in which Mary Jane dies of Cancer. Truly tragic. But the source of the cancer is even more tragic, disturbing and confusing. Peter gave it to her via general contact and his radioactive semen, and confesses to doing so in a teary confession to Mary's corpse. "oh god, I'm sorry. The doctors didn't know how it happened. How you had been poisoned by radioactivity! How your body slowly became riddled with cancer! I did. I was... I am filled with radioactive blood. And not just blood. Every fluid. Touching me... loving me... Loving me killed you! Like a spider, crawling up inside your body and laying a thousand eggs of cancer.... I killed you."
Let that sink in for a minute.
Spiderman got his powers after being bitten by a radioactive spider. Now I'm no scientist, but the contamination he received could not have possibly made him radioactive. If it had, how come he didn't get cancer? Why is he still alive with his ripped muscles, a full head of hair and a mouth full of teeth? While I'm no scientist, Peter is. A guy like that would have noticed if he was radioactive. And to be conscious of the fact that you're killing your hot wife by simply being around her, not to mention when you kiss her, or pump her full of your radioactive seed.... That's just fucked.
Peter's garbage man probably got cancer too after hauling away bags full of radioactive spooge filled tissues every week.
I can already picture a frame with a Frank Miller-esque Spiderman, mask half torn off, blood covering his battered face as he holds his beaten opponent by the shirt with both hands. "I'm going to kill you like I killed Mary Jane." As he shakes his head and sprays blood all over the villain. Heck, he should go out and contract AIDS and herpes just for good measure.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN LOU!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!!!
Let that sink in for a minute.
Spiderman got his powers after being bitten by a radioactive spider. Now I'm no scientist, but the contamination he received could not have possibly made him radioactive. If it had, how come he didn't get cancer? Why is he still alive with his ripped muscles, a full head of hair and a mouth full of teeth? While I'm no scientist, Peter is. A guy like that would have noticed if he was radioactive. And to be conscious of the fact that you're killing your hot wife by simply being around her, not to mention when you kiss her, or pump her full of your radioactive seed.... That's just fucked.
Peter's garbage man probably got cancer too after hauling away bags full of radioactive spooge filled tissues every week.
I can already picture a frame with a Frank Miller-esque Spiderman, mask half torn off, blood covering his battered face as he holds his beaten opponent by the shirt with both hands. "I'm going to kill you like I killed Mary Jane." As he shakes his head and sprays blood all over the villain. Heck, he should go out and contract AIDS and herpes just for good measure.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN LOU!!! YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEN!!!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
The Hoohaa Monologues
VAGINA
A woman called the Alamo theater in Florida to complain about the presence of the word vagina on their marquee because her 12 year old niece asked "Auntie, what's a vagina?"
Can you imagine being 12 and not knowing what the parts of your body are called? What the fuck kind of sheltered life does this girl lead where she somehow escaped any kind of decent biology lesson? Her parents should be ashamed of themselves.
The theater should have held it's ground and not changed anything. However, by changing the title it gives the country a fresh shiny exhibit of how backwards a lot of people are while drawing attention to their production.
Any publicity is good publicity.
Can you imagine being 12 and not knowing what the parts of your body are called? What the fuck kind of sheltered life does this girl lead where she somehow escaped any kind of decent biology lesson? Her parents should be ashamed of themselves.
The theater should have held it's ground and not changed anything. However, by changing the title it gives the country a fresh shiny exhibit of how backwards a lot of people are while drawing attention to their production.
Any publicity is good publicity.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Not Sofa King We Todd Ed After Awl
So as I was standing outside last night with a bonafide cigarette between my lips, it dawned on me why Boston flipped out like it did. It all makes perfect sense, and despite what it looks like Boston was the luckiest city out of the select few that the advertisements went up in.
It all began when a confused citizen who overdosed on their 'tussin called the police department saying that there was a threatening device shining an unfamiliar image on a bridge. Police go to check it out, and it's plainly not a bomb. They've seen the signs before in various places around the city. The officers then have the following glowing idea. React like it is a bomb. Call in the bomb squad and run a city wide drill. People get practice, and it shows the city that they're prepared to handle a threat. Everyone plays along and the innocent devices become a threat worthy of 2 million dollars in compensation money. The sum of which easily covers the 500,000 bill from the police department, and gives both the police, and the city some extra funding. Plus Aqua Teen Hunger Force got unprecedented publicity for the upcoming movie. The only people who are getting the shaft so far are the two fellows who were paid to put the signs up in the first place. Especially now that it has been shown that they taped the police flipping out over the signs. Even so, they'll probably make it out of this alright.
Well played.
It all began when a confused citizen who overdosed on their 'tussin called the police department saying that there was a threatening device shining an unfamiliar image on a bridge. Police go to check it out, and it's plainly not a bomb. They've seen the signs before in various places around the city. The officers then have the following glowing idea. React like it is a bomb. Call in the bomb squad and run a city wide drill. People get practice, and it shows the city that they're prepared to handle a threat. Everyone plays along and the innocent devices become a threat worthy of 2 million dollars in compensation money. The sum of which easily covers the 500,000 bill from the police department, and gives both the police, and the city some extra funding. Plus Aqua Teen Hunger Force got unprecedented publicity for the upcoming movie. The only people who are getting the shaft so far are the two fellows who were paid to put the signs up in the first place. Especially now that it has been shown that they taped the police flipping out over the signs. Even so, they'll probably make it out of this alright.
Well played.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Sofa King We Todd Ed
Boston flips a shit over 2 bit LED aliens flipping shiny birds into oncoming traffic.
ATHF is the bomb!
Pick up a T-shirt as a monument to human idiocy!
ATHF is the bomb!
Pick up a T-shirt as a monument to human idiocy!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Shitting Dick Nipples
Yesterday I came across an interesting image in my online rounds. The originality somehow outweighed any gross out reactions that would have otherwise occured. A tall Anime girl with a beer gut, tons of chest hair and the real capper.... Shitting Dick Nipples. In relation to her body these were at least as thick as her arms and ten inches long. Not the rosy color usually associated with nipples, but big black cocks with something censored above the tip and shit coming out the ends. The censorship really confounds me. If shitting dick nipples are OK, what the hell isn't? Did the cocks have swastika eyes?
So I'm putting it out to you the reader, what do you think is more offensive than shitting dick nipples and would be on the head of a cock nipple?
Oh, and if you want to see the picture in question, just do a search for "shitting dick nipples" it should come right up.
So I'm putting it out to you the reader, what do you think is more offensive than shitting dick nipples and would be on the head of a cock nipple?
Oh, and if you want to see the picture in question, just do a search for "shitting dick nipples" it should come right up.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Powdered Cum Flakes On My Windshield
Snow is just the cum scrapings from the peep show booths up in heaven.
Rain is just the golden showers dripping off Asian buisness men.
Hail is just ice felched from twixt the buttocks of angels.
These are just a few reasons why I seldom leave my room in inclement weather.
I'm not kinky like the rest of you fuckers.
Rain is just the golden showers dripping off Asian buisness men.
Hail is just ice felched from twixt the buttocks of angels.
These are just a few reasons why I seldom leave my room in inclement weather.
I'm not kinky like the rest of you fuckers.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Stephen Baldwin Can Do The Following
Stephen Baldwin can suck the wretched intestinal spatter straight from my pucker after a night of Tequila and Jalepeno n' Bean Burritos.
Stephen Baldwin can get ass raped by a mule wearing a jagged dried up cum sock while kneeling on rice and broken glass.
Stephen Baldwin can get his face directly smeared with the menstrual blood of a horde of unwashed fat chicks. Just to be clear, we're talkin' cooter to face here.
Stephen Baldwin can get ebola, gonorrhrea, worms and testicular cancer. And upon his last dying moment his hallucination will be the hand of god personally swatting him with a wingtip.
Why is Stephen Baldwin George Bush's "Cultural Advisor"?
As if we needed another exhibit of the President's idiocy.
Why are thousands of kids signing pledge cards committing themselves to a life in christ after listening to him do a street preacher schtick? He tells them that they'll be saved after their "gnarly rebirth". First off, it's Stephen Baldwin. STEPHEN BALDWIN. He can't even sell you the role he's ham fisting his way through, but he's selling you on christ? And threatening to break the face of anyone who gets in his way? Not that anyone gives a fuck what Christianity was spelled out to be anymore, but "blessed are the meek" is something even I remember from Sunday School. And in essence what is happening is you are being sold a sucker's religion by the same guy who starred alongside Pauly Shore in "Biodome".
America is doomed.
Sweet merciful crap are we doomed.
Congratulations to North Korea on their first successful nuclear test. Better late than never!
Stephen Baldwin can get ass raped by a mule wearing a jagged dried up cum sock while kneeling on rice and broken glass.
Stephen Baldwin can get his face directly smeared with the menstrual blood of a horde of unwashed fat chicks. Just to be clear, we're talkin' cooter to face here.
Stephen Baldwin can get ebola, gonorrhrea, worms and testicular cancer. And upon his last dying moment his hallucination will be the hand of god personally swatting him with a wingtip.
Why is Stephen Baldwin George Bush's "Cultural Advisor"?
As if we needed another exhibit of the President's idiocy.
Why are thousands of kids signing pledge cards committing themselves to a life in christ after listening to him do a street preacher schtick? He tells them that they'll be saved after their "gnarly rebirth". First off, it's Stephen Baldwin. STEPHEN BALDWIN. He can't even sell you the role he's ham fisting his way through, but he's selling you on christ? And threatening to break the face of anyone who gets in his way? Not that anyone gives a fuck what Christianity was spelled out to be anymore, but "blessed are the meek" is something even I remember from Sunday School. And in essence what is happening is you are being sold a sucker's religion by the same guy who starred alongside Pauly Shore in "Biodome".
America is doomed.
Sweet merciful crap are we doomed.
Congratulations to North Korea on their first successful nuclear test. Better late than never!
Saturday, September 16, 2006
More Dinosaur Porns?
Been watchings Metalocalypse and nows I must pluralize everythings.
Yeah, so I just watched three guys in full Teradactyl suits gang-banging a chick. Apparently my awareness of niche porn is a bit behind the times. The thing of it is, niche porn usually finds you whether you want it to or not. In this case two different sites, one having nothing to do with porn and the other being Fleshbot, pointed me towards two different dinosaur clips. So now I'm wondering if they're part of the same film, and if so, is it worth finding and downloading?
That shouldn't have even been a question. Of course it must be found and downloaded. Because really, what kind of a person would I be if I didn't have dinosaur porn on my computer? Besides, I'm kind of curious if there are other dinosaurs getting busy, and more importantly will there be a brontosaurus with it's face in a girl's bush? It is a herbivore after all.
Yeah, so I just watched three guys in full Teradactyl suits gang-banging a chick. Apparently my awareness of niche porn is a bit behind the times. The thing of it is, niche porn usually finds you whether you want it to or not. In this case two different sites, one having nothing to do with porn and the other being Fleshbot, pointed me towards two different dinosaur clips. So now I'm wondering if they're part of the same film, and if so, is it worth finding and downloading?
That shouldn't have even been a question. Of course it must be found and downloaded. Because really, what kind of a person would I be if I didn't have dinosaur porn on my computer? Besides, I'm kind of curious if there are other dinosaurs getting busy, and more importantly will there be a brontosaurus with it's face in a girl's bush? It is a herbivore after all.
Humpasaurus
I just watched a guy in a Tyrannosaurus Rex costume slap his big two foot rubber cock on a chick's back just before spewing a gallon of fake jizz all over her.
You know, just thought I'd share.
And of course, the dialogue is in German.
Still, it's a lot less creepy than the E.T. porn. Or the zombie porn, or the clown porn....
You know, just thought I'd share.
And of course, the dialogue is in German.
Still, it's a lot less creepy than the E.T. porn. Or the zombie porn, or the clown porn....
Thursday, August 17, 2006
All This Pussy On Pussy Violence Makes Me Sick
Lonely people do interesting things. Like getting their animals to service them orally. The methods may differ from species to species, but here are some almost sure-fire methods for getting your pet to lick your nethers. OK, so there is only one method for each animal. I'm not about to do a search for Beastiality tips, and really, we all know what our pets love to eat or lick. So just use some good sense when picking something that will get your pet licking.
Dogs: Peanut Butter (Peanut Butter is excellent because it takes a lot of effort to lick it all off. Clean up might be an issue, but lets face it, when it comes to food, dogs are pretty thorough. I'm sure that after a few times the dog will be trained enough that all you have to do is whip out your junk and his tongue will go searching for some of that peanutty goodness. Thank you Pavlov.
Cats: Valerian Root (Apparently cats dig this stuff, just be careful with your dosing, because apparently it'll get the cat all ready for battle. And when your sensitive bits are right in front of it... what do you think the cat is going to go after first? Just ask Svetlana, who after getting second dibs on the cat's tongue (can a sandpaper tongue feel good on your clit?) had the cat's claws stuck in her labia as it tried to bite her as well. As horrific as that was for poor Svetlana, she had to explain herself at the hospital, and again to her husband Borris, who immediately kicked her out of the house, and served her with divorce papers. I'm sure the ASPCA decided against filing a lawsuit due to the results of the act because Svetlana plainly learned her lesson. Cat's will flip the fuck out with no warning whatsoever, and are not to be trusted. While dogs will at least raise their lip or growl before they do anything drastic. They also have smoother tongues, bigger cocks, and get along better with children.
Seriously though, leave the pets alone. They know exactly what's going on, and most of them don't appreciate it.
*****edit: I asked around and apparently a cat's tongue has been speculated to feel really good on the clit. Still, leave the cats alone, or at the very least don't dab your cooter with Valerian Root extract.
Dogs: Peanut Butter (Peanut Butter is excellent because it takes a lot of effort to lick it all off. Clean up might be an issue, but lets face it, when it comes to food, dogs are pretty thorough. I'm sure that after a few times the dog will be trained enough that all you have to do is whip out your junk and his tongue will go searching for some of that peanutty goodness. Thank you Pavlov.
Cats: Valerian Root (Apparently cats dig this stuff, just be careful with your dosing, because apparently it'll get the cat all ready for battle. And when your sensitive bits are right in front of it... what do you think the cat is going to go after first? Just ask Svetlana, who after getting second dibs on the cat's tongue (can a sandpaper tongue feel good on your clit?) had the cat's claws stuck in her labia as it tried to bite her as well. As horrific as that was for poor Svetlana, she had to explain herself at the hospital, and again to her husband Borris, who immediately kicked her out of the house, and served her with divorce papers. I'm sure the ASPCA decided against filing a lawsuit due to the results of the act because Svetlana plainly learned her lesson. Cat's will flip the fuck out with no warning whatsoever, and are not to be trusted. While dogs will at least raise their lip or growl before they do anything drastic. They also have smoother tongues, bigger cocks, and get along better with children.
Seriously though, leave the pets alone. They know exactly what's going on, and most of them don't appreciate it.
*****edit: I asked around and apparently a cat's tongue has been speculated to feel really good on the clit. Still, leave the cats alone, or at the very least don't dab your cooter with Valerian Root extract.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
The Italian Stallion
Attend
Check the clip. Official proof of his porn movie's existence.
Granted he's just prancing and pratfalling through the winter wonderland... but look at it this way, if these are the only G rated bits in the whole movie and it's a feature length sex film, that means there's a whole lot of fucking going on and damned if Stallone ain't in the middle of it. I'm going to read up on why he was so broke after he did Rocky. I have a feeling I knew why once, but damned if I know now. Stallone put the whole thing quite well. "I was starving when I did it..... I was desperate..... You know when you're' hungry you do a lot of things you wouldn't ordinarily do!" Regardless, this is on par with the almost Tony Danza in "Insatiable" Only it's a little better since it's actually him. I bet the movie is just him taking on one chick after the other and probably a few at a time. Honestly it's going to be a little hard not to imagine him as Rambo, or Rocky just fucking away. I'll bet that there will be edited movies with the footage from Italian Stallion. To the tune of sex scenes in each and every one of Stallone's Movies. EVERY SINGLE ONE. The dregs will end up on YTMND and they'll blossom into ridiculous new internet fads. The nation will be eating Stallone's steaming load and they'll pay good money for it. May the Italian Stallion never die. At least not on the internets.
Check the clip. Official proof of his porn movie's existence.
Granted he's just prancing and pratfalling through the winter wonderland... but look at it this way, if these are the only G rated bits in the whole movie and it's a feature length sex film, that means there's a whole lot of fucking going on and damned if Stallone ain't in the middle of it. I'm going to read up on why he was so broke after he did Rocky. I have a feeling I knew why once, but damned if I know now. Stallone put the whole thing quite well. "I was starving when I did it..... I was desperate..... You know when you're' hungry you do a lot of things you wouldn't ordinarily do!" Regardless, this is on par with the almost Tony Danza in "Insatiable" Only it's a little better since it's actually him. I bet the movie is just him taking on one chick after the other and probably a few at a time. Honestly it's going to be a little hard not to imagine him as Rambo, or Rocky just fucking away. I'll bet that there will be edited movies with the footage from Italian Stallion. To the tune of sex scenes in each and every one of Stallone's Movies. EVERY SINGLE ONE. The dregs will end up on YTMND and they'll blossom into ridiculous new internet fads. The nation will be eating Stallone's steaming load and they'll pay good money for it. May the Italian Stallion never die. At least not on the internets.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Who Headbutts Someone To The Chest?
Who does this? Really. I tell you what, I ever see someone do that, I guarantee you; I would not fuck with that person. Not ever. And some people say soccer isn't hardcore.
That is the fucking definition of hardcore.
Motherfucker got laid out.
Even before he hits the ground he starts going into a fetal position.
10 bucks says he pissed himself; or worse.
DAAAAAMNN.
Drink a 40, watch this and headbutt your front door down as you greet the world.
G toe.
picture from YTMND
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Stone Ground Clit
As I drove home tonight I passed a very large woman on a bicycle. The first thought that came to mind was the incredible amount of pressure on her cooter.
I don't know about you, but I think I would be in a bit of pain if 300 pounds of pressure was mashing against my twat.
Seriously though, I'm impressed she was riding the bike. And thankful she wasn't wearing spandex.
I don't know about you, but I think I would be in a bit of pain if 300 pounds of pressure was mashing against my twat.
Seriously though, I'm impressed she was riding the bike. And thankful she wasn't wearing spandex.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
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