Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Italian Stallion


Check the clip. Official proof of his porn movie's existence.
Granted he's just prancing and pratfalling through the winter wonderland... but look at it this way, if these are the only G rated bits in the whole movie and it's a feature length sex film, that means there's a whole lot of fucking going on and damned if Stallone ain't in the middle of it. I'm going to read up on why he was so broke after he did Rocky. I have a feeling I knew why once, but damned if I know now. Stallone put the whole thing quite well. "I was starving when I did it..... I was desperate..... You know when you're' hungry you do a lot of things you wouldn't ordinarily do!" Regardless, this is on par with the almost Tony Danza in "Insatiable" Only it's a little better since it's actually him. I bet the movie is just him taking on one chick after the other and probably a few at a time. Honestly it's going to be a little hard not to imagine him as Rambo, or Rocky just fucking away. I'll bet that there will be edited movies with the footage from Italian Stallion. To the tune of sex scenes in each and every one of Stallone's Movies. EVERY SINGLE ONE. The dregs will end up on YTMND and they'll blossom into ridiculous new internet fads. The nation will be eating Stallone's steaming load and they'll pay good money for it. May the Italian Stallion never die. At least not on the internets.

Monday, July 10, 2006

Fuck My Furniture

Furniture Porn and destruction have nothing to do with this. It's only the former if you film it.

Fuckable furniture. Awesome companion? One more thing to worry about when selecting a seat at a party?

"Never mind the smell, does this chair have a vagina?"

They're not selling it, they're just showing you how to make your own. In both standard and economy models. Bean bag or trash bag. You decide. The way I see it you have to have the standard or even luxury model at home. After all, you don't want to seem lonely and skeevy. But think of the economy model as an emergency on the road sort of thing.

Pass the homemade humping hole construction plans around in pamphlets, and maybe people will stop getting humped by the homeless... Unless of course, you're into that. And it's cool if you are. Hey, I understand. Ain't nothin' wrong with the way you like it, as long as you aren't hurting someone who doesn't like it. Unless that person is your parents. Then fuck that shit, they need to realize you're your own person! If you want to make Jello-Jiggler vaginas, fuck 'em and eat them with Cool Whip while watching extremely fat women rolling slowly down an incline. Then hey, that's cool. It's when you want them girls to roll over thumbtacks followed by sheets of paper that it becomes art.

"How violated would you feel if you sat in someone's beanbag chair and they didn't tell you it was their ballin' bag. You'd swear up a storm and threaten a lawsuit if the pants you're wearing have any semen stains on them. DNA tests would follow, as well as full exposure of your bag humping desperation. Not Fun stuff." "Take it from me, Willie Aames. Stow your humping bags or whatever "vaginated" items you own away when company comes over, unless they're coming to over to hump."

I am reminded of a passage from Frank Zappa the book wherein Frank recalls the tale of a friend who had installed orifices in mannequins, and would invite friends to come over and "fuck his family." Each of the mannequins was a different member of the family. A mother, a father. A son, a daughter and their loyal dog spot. The son, the father and spot only have two holes apiece. As for mom and sis... the phrase "Three holes, no waiting" sums it up nicely.

I hope that later on someone gifted him a cock sheath with a hamster printed on it.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Who Headbutts Someone To The Chest?

Who does this? Really. I tell you what, I ever see someone do that, I guarantee you; I would not fuck with that person. Not ever. And some people say soccer isn't hardcore.

That is the fucking definition of hardcore.

Motherfucker got laid out.

Even before he hits the ground he starts going into a fetal position.

10 bucks says he pissed himself; or worse.


Drink a 40, watch this and headbutt your front door down as you greet the world.

G toe.

picture from YTMND

Saturday, July 08, 2006


Thursday, July 06, 2006

Stone Ground Clit

As I drove home tonight I passed a very large woman on a bicycle. The first thought that came to mind was the incredible amount of pressure on her cooter.

I don't know about you, but I think I would be in a bit of pain if 300 pounds of pressure was mashing against my twat.

Seriously though, I'm impressed she was riding the bike. And thankful she wasn't wearing spandex.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Gentlemen, behold! CORN!!!

This makes me happy